[$5.49] / [£1.99]
Those lucky enough to be born in America’s Deep South or in an isolated British village won’t need these Silicone Swimming Fingers, as your hands and feet are probably webbed already you genetically astonishing freak. However, if your parents weren’t brother and sister then these nifty fish-mits might come in handy the next time you’re swimming away from sharks. Coming in small, medium and large, these swimming fingers are lightweight and small enough to allow your hands extra flexibility – thus enabling you to strangle sea creatures at your leisure and then make a swift getaway. Neato.

[$139] / [£96.90]
Ever wanted to spy on your neighbours at night from the comfort of your own bush? Of course you have, and now with the Snooperscope perving on strangers is easier than ever. The Snooperscope is a portable wireless gadget that uses your smartphone or tablet as a screen and the infrared light as a source to enable you to see in low light and total darkness. Suitable for iPhone, iPad, Android smartphones and tablets, you could use this to watch animals if you wanted, but most of you will probably use it for dogging.

[$229]
Ever wanted to be a superhero but minus the part where you’re bitten by a radioactive creature? Then you’re a pussy, but fine, here are some Kangaroo Shoes that you could wear to become Kangaroo Guy or something. These bouncy bastards work like Roller Blades, except with the wheels replaced by trampolines. They take about 15 minutes to get used to, and are a great exercise tool for those looking to build muscle or lose weight. And if you’re really fat and have leftover skin once you’ve lost weight, you can cut that open and make a real kangaroo pouch to store babies in. Your transformation is complete. Kangaroo, AWAY!

[£2.99]
Is your dog a complete loser who can't even go and sniff another dog's anus without getting all shy? Then why not get that four-legged f****r drunk for some dutch courage! Those pesky animal rights people will have a shit fit if you feed your pooch regular suds, so instead serve them up a bowl of this delicious Bottom Sniffer Dog Beer, containing precisely zero alcohol, zero bubbles and zero fun. Nevertheless, this Dandelion and Burdock flavoured treat will still help your dog feel proud of its body and confident in it's self, allowing it to finally hump that stranger's leg it's always had a crush on.

[$65] / [£49.99]
Are you kooky as fuck but too scared to dye your hair and pierce your face to prove it? Then show the world how krazy you really are by purchasing this Seven Foot Tall Inflatable Unicorn. This artful blow-up ornament is elegantly crafted from heavy duty vinyl, so you could try to hump it if you want. If not, it'd make an excellent centrepiece for a wake…unless your grandmother was killed and violated by unicorns. In that case, you might wanna give it a miss.

[$12.32] / [£9.99]
What would you do if your organs suddenly fell out of your body? How would you react if Jesus came back to life and called you a prick? I don't know, and neither do the authors of the Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook. But what they will tell you is how to survive an alligator attack, what to do if you're trapped in quicksand, and the easiest method of removing a tongue that is stuck to a frozen pole. There are also a few wackier ones too, such as how to escape from a giant octopus, and what you should do if a man in a costume is being over-affectionate. And if you're too lazy to read books like a great big nark then just look up the answers on the searchable CD provided with it.

[$16.89] / [£12.99]
Some people like to throw their coats on the floor when they get home, but if you're not a fucking savage then buy one of these Kitt-A-Boo Wall Hooks and hang it up properly. These wood and rubber thingamajigs make a cat pop out of the top when you hang a coat on them, which is a nifty little feature if you've got little kids, but dangerously provocative if the person hanging their coat up has recently taken a bathtub full of drugs.

[$29.99]
Furries rejoice! Your prayers have been answered. This set of Mouth Moving Animal Masks for sale at Vat 19 are so realistic that when someone is wearing one you'll actually think you're mounting a real, 14-stone pug. Available in lion, wolf and fox as well as pug dog varieties, these masks strap on to your mouth tightly, providing an unsettlingly realisitic (and arousing) appearance.

[$20]
Oh hey look, another piece of crazy weird sh*t from Japan. What a surprise. This Iyashi Octopus Sucker Massager is a bizarre item which you're apparently supposed to use to gently massage your feet, hands, back or neck. Using skin suction treatment, the silicone mit apparently helps blood circulation by sucking up your skin like a shiatsu massage. Seems a bit freaky to me. I'd rather stick with my trusty old vacuum cleaner smeared with fish for an identical but cheaper experience.

[$78] / [£52]
Do you know why the Vikings were so badass and cruel? Easy. They were perpetually drunk. When you can't put down your beer because it's stored inside a giant horn, you have no choice but to sink those suds and fill her up again. And now you can relive the Viking life for yourself with one of these Hand Carved Drinking Horns available on Etsy. Prices vary from $70 to $3,000 depending on how shit / good you want your horn to be. But really, you can't put a price on something this fancy. As soon as you start drinking from one of these horns you'll feel a sudden urge to commit unspeakable atrocities upon coastal towns and villages. How can you resist?

[$39.99]
Is your dog nowhere near sexy enough? Then buy the hairy little swine one of these Dog Leotards, which come in a range of sizes and colours to fit even the most portly pooch with a predilection for lycra. Originally designed to help prevent shedding dogs from leaving their fur everywhere, these lightweight, breathable outfits are now more popular as a way of stylising your canine companion. And if the dog doesn't like wearing it then who cares? They're just dogs. If they wanted a say in how they were dressed they should've evolved like we hoomans done did.