[$55] / [£29]
Usually if people ask to show you their meat box you should probably say no, but with this Artisan Meat Subscription Box clearly that’s not the case. Yes that’s right, for bugger-all money you can get a specially picked box of fancy meats delivered directly to your door. It’s a subscription…to fucking meat! Do I even need to bother selling it to you anymore? You’ve already bought four haven’t you? These make an excellent gift to meat lovers, and are a fantastic way of bullying a vegetarian. Plus it doubles up as a lovely dress-up box for Lady Gaga enthusiasts.

[$18.98] / [£10.95]
Ever wanted to glass a stranger in the face but not really? Well now you can with these Unbreakable Silicone Pint Glasses. Laugh in someone’s stupid face as you ram this bendy booze holder into their frightened maw. Made out of the kind of high-quality silicone you’d previously only find inside a stripper’s tits, these glasses can be stored in your pocket, frozen, rewashed, set on fire, pushed into a wombat, used to store urine, and so much more. They’re available in transparent white or opaque red. If you want any other colors, tough shit.

[$40]
Have you ever looked at a spoon and thought…I wish I could eat that? No me neither, but I am constantly wondering how I can somehow consume more calories with less effort. Thankfully this Edible Spoon Maker solves both problems! The machine works like a waffle maker, allowing you to slop in any kind of dough you want and form an edible spoon in mere minutes. If only there was some kind of machine that made plates out of gravy, then we’d get to eat all our dinnerware and never need do dishes again. Quit dicking around trying to cure cancer scientists and get on this!

[$74.22]
When taking a game of Beer Pong on the road it can be annoying when the cups slide all over the place, especially if you’ve pitched up at a funeral and accidentally drenched the corpse with precious alcohol. Sucking booze from a dead man’s suit is no way to spend an afternoon, but now you don’t have to worry about this completely fictitious scenario with the Truck Bed Beer Pong Table. If you own a truck, and we’re assuming you do, you can fit this to the rear with ease and be ready to party wherever the hell you are. Beaches, Barbecues, Child Beauty Pageants – all are made better by the presence of a drunken truck driver shouting “Who wants to play beer pong!”

[$99]
Whenever a foot, a fist or a really fat ass comes into contact with a pair of shades that usually means game over for your sunnies, but not for these Zerpico Carbon Fiber Sunglasses. The carbon fiber frame means they are as flexible as a Russian gymnast, and as durable as a Russian gymnast’s father’s protestation that he never once looks at the other teenage gymnasts. Maybe if he wore one of the mirrored or dark lens varieties of the Zerpico Carbon Fiber design, he’d have gotten away with it. The sneaky pervert.

[$35.99]
Alcohol should always be drunk from the correct vessel, otherwise you look like a dick. Whiskey should be from a simple glass tumbler, champagne from a flute, tequila from a shot glass, and Coors from a tramp’s shoe found under a bridge. If you’re enjoying a Moscow Mule however, you simply must drink them from these delightful Mini Moscow Mule Shot Glasses. They’re made from copper, which helps to keep your drink cold and your appearance hipstery. Only one of those things is useful, but the deliciousness of an ice cold mule more than makes up for anything else.

[$68.99]
The Picnic Table in a Briefcase – a perfect accessory for both the spontaneous picnicker and the brain-damaged businessmen with a wood fetish. This portable collapsible table can seat up to four idiots for a horrible meal anywhere you like, and its aluminium frame means that at least two of them can probably be really fat. With each chair sustaining up to 220lbs that means you can eat a whole heap of scotch eggs, sausage rolls, pork pies, mini quiches, quartered sandwiches and many other pointless foods which nobody considers appropriate at anywhere other than a picnic.

[$22.95] / [£19.99]
Despite looking like something birthed after a bong fucked a teapot, the Porron Drinks Decanter is actually a rather elegant piece of glassware which is quite popular in the Catalan region of Spain. So there. Made from recycled glass and capable of storing 1litre of wine, Kool-Aid or urine, the point of a Porron is to allow drinkers to gulp straight from the decanter without getting each other’s gross mouth germs all over the rim. And nobody likes getting germs on the rim, do they?

[$15,250]
Justin Timberleaf is my favourite music song guy, and now the clever sod has gone and made a camping trailer to! The Timberleaf Camping Trailer is easily towed by most passenger vehicles and provides a lovely warm place to sleep when you're out camping in the woods stalking your ex-girlfriend. Weighing at under 1,200 pounds, or half a Rosie O'Donnell, the Timberleaf comes equipped with a queen mattress, generous storage space, and a washing station. You know, to wash your lovely portion in.

[$114.99]
As the summer months approach there are two things you'll begin to smell - the delicious aroma of charred meat and the musty stench of hot garbage. So why not combine the two with this wonderful Po Man Charcoal BBQ Grill! This bit of kit is a fully working charcoal grill disguised as a regular trash can, so not only can you throw meat on it for cooking al-fresco, but inevitably some idiots will think it’s a regular garbage can and use it to store their trash. Inside you'll find a coal box, starter pan, skewers and a temperature adjusting vent, but none of this will matter when you realise someone has thrown a used diaper on top of your lightly charred steak. I think it'll enhance the flavour if anything.

[$23] / [£16.99]
From the author of Bathing in Wine, Shaving with Milk and Dancing in Pepsi comes this astounding new book - Cooking With Beer. This essential collection of beer-based bites contains 75 spectacular recipes using a range of beers including instructions for beer sandwiches, beer tacos, beer cakes, beer frittatas and probably some kind of beer beer. I don’t know, I haven't read it, all I know is I wholeheartedly approve of new ways to get myself drunk.