[$22.09] / [£16.99]
If you were hoping for a book where people put their penises into ground meat then you'll be sorely disappointed in the Pornburger Recipe Book, as there's not a single quarter pounder creampie or whipped patty bukkake to be seen. However, what you will find in here is 300 plus pages of delicious burger-based recipes courtesy of self-described burger nonce Mathew Ramsey. I suppose you could just draw boobs on the burgers if you're desperate.

[$13.59] / [£13.49]
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is intended as an antidote to those corny self-help books that tell you how to find your inner goddess by shoving plums up your arse. Written by a blogger so you know it's dead good, this book claims to help you cut through the crap and stop being so damn positive all the time. I mean, being positive can be hard work I guess. Just ask Charlie Sheen.

[$12.79] / [£9.99]
Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books we had as kids? They always ended up taking you on a magical journey through enchanted kingdoms, haunted houses and futuristic spaceships. Man they were good. But has anyone ever made one where instead of all that, you got taken in by a brutal cult and molested with a cucumber? They have now, with this book that answers the question "Which Cult Shall I Join?" Scientologist? Mormon? Worshipper of the Devil's Colon? Find out which cult you should join today.

[$11.35] / [£12.99]
Do you need to learn Astrophysics in a Hurry? Why? Seriously, why would you need to do that? I dunno, to look smart at parties and get laid? Oh, good answer. I guess you'll need this book by Neil DeGrasse Tyson then, as it helps you to understand the nature of time, space and the universe even if you're proper thick like my cousin Philip. Related to neither Mike Tyson or Neil Buchanan, the author of this easy astrophysics guide is "a well smart bloke" according to Stephen Hawking, who I just asked right now because he's my mate. And everyone knows wheelchair guys don't lie, so I suppose you have to buy it now.

[$22.33] / [£6.99]
Are you done words all a broken time? Try write a thing go wrong bad? Sort fix make with grammar book here this. I spented school time fingered back of class. Learn bits but not much. Now I get help from thanks to Grammar: Know Your Sh*t or Know You're Sh*t, it clever book make brain better good learn write. Super cool words inside. I are professor nao.

[$27.49] / [£14.99]
Oh look, some bloke off the internet has released a cookery book. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE WORLD NEEDED RIGHT NOW. Action Bronson, who is a man I've never heard of, apparently does raps and things when he's not making cookery books. F*ck, That's Delicious is the result of him being sent around the world to eat stuff, write down what was in that stuff, and sell someone else's recipes to you, the hungry consumer. Lovely. It's got 40 pages. That's a lot isn't it?

[$24.47] / [£19.17]
America loves nothing more than to cook the innocent corpses of foreign citizens via yet another successful freedom bombing. But sometimes they like to cook food too, as you'll see in this 800-recipe tome called America: The Cookbook. As well as a bunch of food instructions, you'll also find 50 essays written about the cuisine of every American state. You won't read them, but they're there. Go Murica!

[$17.78]
When I go to the toilet I let out inhuman screams nobody should have to listen to, mostly out of pure pleasure. Not everyone has as much fun as I do on the toilet though, so to pass the time why not buy this Big Mouth Toys Potty Piano. It includes a song book and is wipe clean, great for when you piss all over it whilst trying to play a sassy piano solo. My choice would be to try an Adele song, changing the title to “Someone likes poo”. Then do a poo.

[$65]
I spend all day playing with my balls, and now kids can too thanks to The Hackaball. This is a programmable toy for kids who love technology but spend too much time sat on their fat asses. Using a simple app tiny humans can create their own games using the interior sensors, speakers and lights. High-tech hackey sack anyone? Or maybe it’s a bomb you have to pass around before the deadly blue light appears? Personally, I’d program it to make fart noises when thrown at ginger kids.

[$9.38] / [£7.02]
I love practical jokes. Last week a woman was screaming “help me help me, my baby is sick and I need to get her to the hospital!”. So I came to her rescue and quickly showed her the way, to the nearest Greggs! Oh how I’m sure she laughed. If you like dangerously unsafe practical jokes then purchase the Wrongulator for a friend. This battery powered calculator gives you deliberately wrong answers, and would be wasted on accountants or boring office workers who would just end up ordering the wrong amount of pencils. Why not give this to a doctor so your nan gets twelve times as much Diazapam, trick an architect into creating a building with erroneous weight distribution. Haha watch out Mr and Mrs Johnson! Your family is at risk of being crushed to death! Oh my, what a jape. Best of all you could give this Wrongulator to someone like me, a self-employed idiot who does their own taxes. I’ll be in jail by the years end being done up the wrong un by a thirty stone maniac named Slippery Ken. Oh how I’ll laugh!

[$30.78] / [£58.20]
Let your kids experience watching vegetables grow LIVE in this viewable root garden. The kid friendly kit includes everything you need to plant and observe the awesomeness of plants, and makes an excellent gift for any young horticulture enthusiast.