[$189] / [£130]
If you offered me a Floyd Leg for $189 I’d probably assume you meant one of Mayweather’s, and to be honest I’d pay double to see that man in a wheelchair. However the Floyd Leg is actually a clever piece of thinking that allows you to turn any flat surface into a table. This kit comprises of four powder coated metal legs which clamp on to any surface to make a table. 29 inches high, they are simple, portable, and require no tools to attach. So now you can make a dinner table from Grandma’s gravestone, just like you always wanted.

[$3,360] / [£2,315]
You thought The Cloud was that place you’d uploaded all of your pornography, but you’d be wrong. The Cloud is also an awesome multimedia device which you most certainly need in your life. This interactive speaker and lamp can stream music and create ambient light displays based on your awful music collection. It probably rains when Kesha comes on. If you ask it nicely it’ll also mimic a thunderstorm using sound and light, just like Storm from the X-Men when she’s wasted. Made from LEDs and hypoallergenic polyester fiber, these clouds are in high demand, so buy one now before Jesus sails down on his surf-cloud and batters you to death with his neon fists.

[$129.50] / [£195]
Did you know that legally you cannot be classed as an alcoholic if you store your booze in a fancy kerjigger like this? True story. There you were hiding mini vodka bottles up your butt when you could’ve instead put them in this decadent 16th Century Globe Bar. This hollowed out 16th Century nautical globe can store approximately “some booze”, is 22 inches in diameter, and works as a fantastic place to also store your vomit if you need somewhere classy to lose your lunch.

[$35.89] / [£34.99]
Whether you’re in the late stages of Parkinson’s Disease or you’re just a stupid clumsy shit, these Mighty Pint Glasses will prevent you spilling a single drop of precious precious booze ever again. The Mighty Pint Glasses are made out of plastic and contain Smartgrip Technology, which is something we may see installed in sex robots of the future someday. Smartgrip Tech enables these glasses to grip to any flat surface when knocked from the side, but without preventing you from picking them up. Because that would be stupid. And cruel. And stupid.

[$99]
As the number of portable electronic devices we carry increases, so does our requirement for an efficient and simple charging solution. But if you thought filling your pockets with radioactive spiders would help then you are sadly mistaken and also an idiot. The Zolt multi charger is your real saviour, coming as it does with three USB ports and a bunch of adapters allowing you to charge tablets, smartphones, laptops, and probably a blender if you MacGyver the shit out of it. And when you’re on your death bed being slowly consumed by thousands of smartphone induced tumors, you’ll thank your lucky stars that at least you’ve got enough power left to view one more snapchat. Ohh look, Lewis had a burrito for dinner. I can die happy.

[$84]
There are two reasons why I hate lying down on the beach. First, I hate getting sand up my ass-crack. And second, sometimes there’s sandy dog shit just lying in wait for you to relax on top of. The Ultimate Inflatable Air Lounger solves both of these problems and allows you to relax by the beach in comfort. This lightweight and durable loungers inflate without a pump and can be deflated in seconds when needed. They can be used on grass, sand, water, and lava. Maybe. They also come with iPad holders and bottle openers, because what device doesn’t come with fancy modern amenities these days. Even my Grandmother has a USB charging port now, and she’s dead.

[$298] / [£299.25]
Listening to music on vinyl is a rich, fulfilling experience only spoiled by the fact that you look like a right twat playing records off a turntable, especially if you're sat on the subway. The Sony Hi-Res USB Turntable is the solution to all your audio woes, as it allows you to capture all the delicious sounds of old-timey record players into a lossless DSD or WAV file. Copy the tracks via USB to your PC, Mac or USB compatible trousers, then you can compress the shit out of them into an mp3 and store it on your phone if you want. I don't know why you would, but you could.

[$20.29] / [£14]
The Desktop Cinema Light Box is a battery powered table lamp which comes with 69 acetate letters, numbers and symbols along with 6 blank customisable tiles allowing you to display the title of your favourite movie. It doesn't matter if you like Schindler's List or Backdoor Thundersluts 5, you can write whatever you want on this lovely light-up ornament because it's your house and you make the rules.

[$32.49] / [£24.99]
Ever since I played Super Mario Bros as a kid I've spent at least 80% of my life punching bricks in the hope that coins will one day emerge. My fists are now nothing more than a bloody pulp, but I could've avoided all this tragic mess if I'd simply bought this Question Block Light. Look, it's exactly like the one in the game! How cool and copyright infringey is that? Powered by USB or batteries the block also emits a little ping noise if you press it, but if you kick the fucker out of a window it makes no noise whatsoever. What a jip.

[$39.99]
Oak-aged alcohol is often rather expensive, and if you're too cheap to buy it then your only way of achieving that smoky booze aftertaste is to enter a burning building while downing a pint. But fortunately for you smoke aficionados there's now a solution, and it comes in the form of this Oak Bottle Mini Master Infuser. Capable of infusing 355ml of booze with an oaky taste in as little as two hours, this vessel made from 100% American Oak promises to improve bourbon, rum, beer, BBQ sauce and any other liquids you fancy by adding an ultra quick burst of charred oak flavour and aroma. And yes, I suppose you could try it with urine.