[$18.39] / [£12.99]
The definition of Netflix and Chill is to invite someone over to have sex under the premise of watching TV. The definition of Netflix and Grill is to involve grilled objects in this equation, which may or may not already be part of your sex life depending on what you’re into. Coming in both vegan and delicious animal varieties, these pan-packed ready meals can be thrown straight under the grill and your food will be done in the time it takes to get bored of Orange is the New Black – 8 minutes. This service isn’t available everywhere yet so don’t get too excited, but you’ll know when it’s come to your area as it will be marked by a sudden surge of lazy fat bastards getting heart attacks.

[$23] / [£16.99]
From the author of Bathing in Wine, Shaving with Milk and Dancing in Pepsi comes this astounding new book - Cooking With Beer. This essential collection of beer-based bites contains 75 spectacular recipes using a range of beers including instructions for beer sandwiches, beer tacos, beer cakes, beer frittatas and probably some kind of beer beer. I don’t know, I haven't read it, all I know is I wholeheartedly approve of new ways to get myself drunk.

[$20.36] / [£14.86]
Ask a friend where you can find a decent pizza place and more often than not you'll end the evening with diarrhoea, but consult this Where To Eat Pizza book and you're guaranteed to find a decent slice wherever you are in the world. Over 1000 experts came together to make this guide, so you'd better be fucking grateful, as it comprises both pizzerias and parlours, cafes and restaurants, all of which have been rated as providing lovely bits of bread with cheese and tomato on top.

[$37.95] / [£22.95]
Are you sick of having to melt your own cheese by putting it down your pants and concentrating really hard? Then snap up the BoskaRaclette Set for easy melted cheese in a matter of seconds. This metal and wooden contraption sits over three candles and lovingly heats your hardened cow boob juice using a gradual temperature, and its compact nature ensures you can prepare gloopy cheddar goodness wherever you please. In fact, why not try melting cheese at a funeral, in a maternity ward, or even at the back of a porno theatre for a tasty erotic snack. The sky's the limit! Because you probably can't take this on airplanes.

[$27.49] / [£14.99]
Oh look, some bloke off the internet has released a cookery book. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE WORLD NEEDED RIGHT NOW. Action Bronson, who is a man I've never heard of, apparently does raps and things when he's not making cookery books. F*ck, That's Delicious is the result of him being sent around the world to eat stuff, write down what was in that stuff, and sell someone else's recipes to you, the hungry consumer. Lovely. It's got 40 pages. That's a lot isn't it?

[$24.47] / [£19.17]
America loves nothing more than to cook the innocent corpses of foreign citizens via yet another successful freedom bombing. But sometimes they like to cook food too, as you'll see in this 800-recipe tome called America: The Cookbook. As well as a bunch of food instructions, you'll also find 50 essays written about the cuisine of every American state. You won't read them, but they're there. Go Murica!

[$98.99]
If you’ve spent the last six months avoiding certain food to achieve that perfect beach body then what better way to say “fuck you carbohydrates” than by riding a giant Inflatable Pizza Raft to freedom. This rubbery Italian delight is easy to inflate, comes with connectors so you can join with other pizza slice enthusiasts, and if you lend it to my mate Barry he’ll ensure it comes back with a realistic cheesy smell.

[$7] / [£5]
I often find myself down at the park feeding the ducks, and I wonder if my feathered friends would enjoy some blisteringly spicy hot sauce on their bread. But silly me, I’ve left all my condiments at home. Again! If only I’d had these Sriracha 2 Go bottles, which would enable me to carry around Sriracha hot sauce all day long on a keychain. You might even get the added bonus that you accidentally sit on the bottle and it squirts all over your genitals. This will give you and any potential molestors a spicy reward for their endeavours.

[€17.95]
Check out this hipster pizza cutter, a mini fixie bike with DOUBLE (cut your pizzas twice as fast?) cutting discs. Get it in Watermelon (mint and pink) or Bumblebee (black and yellow).

[$29.99] / [£18.53]
Well, you've seen it all now! A laser guided pizza cutter, be sure to get the straightest cut through your pizza, this would be great at parties or just when you're cutting pizza in the dark! This is seriously over engineered but still pretty cool.