[$45]
Who needs stupid electricity anyway? That's what I always say. Because of electricity we can't take toasters in baths, we have to run away when lightning happens, and we've lost some of the world's most enchanting serial killers. I hate electricity so much. So I'm really glad that this Jollylook Cardboard Vintage Camera eschews the use of power and allows you to take photographs using nothing more than cardboard and some holes. It works using Instax film and its body is entirely comprised of recycled materials, so as well as taking pictures you can be a right smug prick about it too.

[$180]
Investing in solar power became a wise idea from the minute Donald Trump pulled out of the Paris agreement and essentially grabbed Mother Nature right in the pussy. The planet is going to sh*t and there is not much you or I can do to stop it. However, what you can do is pay less for your electricity before the apocalypse happens. These Solargaps Solar Panel Window Blinds are a piece of piss to install, they store energy via batteries for later use, and they will reduce your bills by 70%. Just think; you can use that money to buy a revolver to kill yourself when the Ozone layer sods off.

[$19,176]
These Honomobo Shipping Container Homes are ideal for people who love being forced into confined spaces alongside their loved ones. Kidnap victims, perhaps. Or mole people. Anyway, if you've always wanted to live in a giant metal box then fine, buy one. But I'm not coming to visit. Honomobo will make it in any design you like, any colour and any smell. But as I said, I won't ever come round. Ever. Oh okay, maybe once. But I won't enjoy it.

[$13.09] / [£9.99]
How long would you be willing to wait for a coffee? A minute? Five minutes? Several f**king months? If it's the latter then great, you should buy this Coffee to Grow kit and find something to do for the best part of a year. Containing one massive Arabica Nana bean and a bunch of biodegradeable shite, after a few months you can wazz this cup in the ground and voila, out will come a coffee plant. Now all you need is a cow for the milk. Good luck growing that out of a mug you daft arse.

[$13.70] / [£9.35]
Do you love recycling but you've lost your legs in a war? How awful. There is literally no other way you could crush down a beer can other than This Wall Mounted Can Crusher. Capable of squeezing 12 and 16 ounce cans into oblivion, this product is more an act of charity than anything. I firmly believe that even limbless veterans should be able to recycle without prejudice. Hail Hydra.

[$19,900]
Would you spend $20,000 to swim inside a shipping container? Me neither. But apparently some idiots would, otherwise this mental Australian company wouldn't be selling these Shipping Container Swimming Pools. There are two versions available of these glorified trash cans, with their only difference being an extra 6 metres in length and a further ten grand on the price. If you're tempted to buy one of these monstrosities I suggest you do what I do whenever I'm feeling frisky. Go sort yourself out by having a bath or jumping in a garbage bin full of rainwater, and then ask yourself if it's still a good idea.

[from $60]
Have you always wanted to eat your dinner off your mother’s gravestone? I know I have. Now with SNAP I can! SNAP is a simple device made of steel which combines elastic and cables into an ingenious design. Four SNAPs can hold a 98KG load and like your dad it can take a thickness of 1 to 4 cm’s. What a delicate soul. This Kickstarter backed product comes in a variety of colours and sizes, enabling you to make tables, shelves and cabinets out of dartboards, coffins, and any old shite lying around your house.

[$12.03] / [£7.48]
As our lives become ever meaningless cycles of repetition, self-loathing and Netflix, many turn to the booze. But what to do with those empty bottles littering your home as a testament to your failure? Illuminate your hideous face of course! The Bottlelight is a rechargeable cork-shaped USB light, enabling you to jam it into bottles to make an interesting table feature. They charge in one hour and last three, so next time your other half comes home to find you drunk in a puddle of your own filth, you can simply claim you were collecting bottles to decorate your home with fine ornaments…before hurling a bottle at their ungrateful face.