[$35]
Is this the droid you were looking for? Haha get it, that’s like the line from that fucking film isn’t it? I wish I was dead. If you’re as big a Star Trek fan as I clearly am you’ll love this Sphero BB-8 Remote Control droid is just for you. Not only can you guide its movements using tablet and smartphone apps, it also listens to voice commands…unlike my bitch of a girlfriend who just ignores them. Make Captain Jean Luc Picard happy by buying a Sphero BB-8 today…unless you’re too angry that I got Star Wars and Star Trek mixed up. If you did, have a word with yourself.

[£169.99]
The Nerf N Strike Elite Terrascout Remote Control Drone Blaster has the longest product name since the Gillette Fusion Hyperslice Macho Genocide 9/11 Truth Bonecruncher 9000 Grizzly Urban Power Cock Donkey Punch Razor 2 - The Conjuring. But it's still a pretty nifty little bit of kit for faffing with on Christmas Day. This Nerf-firing drone also films live video of your vicious foam assaults, making them far more accountable than the actual military. There will be no undocumented war crimes here little Timmy, and with all operations including drone movement, camera shots and dart deployment all handled by a single controller, you'll terrorise babies, grandma and small animals with ease. However, the Nerf N Strike Drone can only be purchased at one place, as it's a Toys R Us exclusive…just like Geoffrey's nudes, the massive giraffe pervert.

[$299] / [£229.99]
I haven't seen the new Star Wars movies, but if I had, and if I liked drones, and if I had several hundred bucks, and nothing to do with my weekend, and didn't care what people thought of me, I'd definitely buy one of these Star Wars Battle Drones and smash it into some crows down the park. Available in Starfighter, Speeder Bike and Tie Advanced varieties, these drones also pack a set of on-board speakers, a revolutionary reverse propulsion system (no idea) and a top speed of up to 35 miles an hour. If you've got enough friends you can also have virtual laser battles in the sky with other drones, as each pad vibrates every time a shot makes impact. Or, if you have no friends, just get drunk and crash it into some bird's nests. It's what Carrie Fisher would've wanted.

[$199.99]
Ketchup is fun. Mayonnaise is fun. Combine them? Seafood sauce. Paper airplanes are fun. Drones are fun. Combine them? This Paper Airplane VR Drone Model Kit. Capable of speeds up to 20mph and able to fly for ten minutes on a single charge, what's even more fancy is that the drone's on-board camera can be synched to your smartphone, which in turn can be placed into the accompanying Google Cardboard headset. You know what that means don't you? This drone can be used to peep into ladies' bedrooms and recreate in virtual reality what it would feel like to be some kind of hovering pervert.

[$999.99]
The Worx Landroid Robotic Lawn Mower is both the easiest way to cut your lawn, and the shittest Transformer in history. You’ll need to drop a thousand dollars for this baby, but once you have you’ll never have to shave your home’s grassy nubs ever again. The Landroid uses sensor technology to mow even the most intricate lawns. It might even give you a Brazilian if you ask nicely. Once you’ve set it up the Landroid will automatically cut your lawn seven days a week. If you’ve had problems with your wife boning the gardener, maybe try this robot version on for size. Or will you sleep with this guy too Carol? Huh? AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

[$2.76] / [£2]
When families gather round the TV they no longer tune in to gritty dramas or interesting documentaries about monkeys, instead they gape at some daft sod with a dead mum who can’t sing for shit. If you want to take control of the situation then grab yourself one of these Stealth TV Remotes. Compatible with over 500 brands of TV, you can torment Granny to your heart’s content as she tries to watch her Christmas soaps and you keep flicking over to Babestation. Just be careful, she might actually like it and start flicking over something else.

[$48.99] / [£72.07]
If we’re all perfectly honest with ourselves, then nobody actually wants gift-cards, clothes or charity donations for Christmas. All that stuff can burn in hell for all I’m concerned, I want booze and toys. This Wall Climbing Stunt Car is just the thing for Christmas day, especially if you’ve just watched the festive family film Trainspotting and want something to start climbing the walls. This car has a lightweight yet heavy-duty body that won’t smash to bits even if it drops off… which it won’t, because it uses an advanced system of fans to keep it stuck to the wall. It comes in red, blue and black, or more colours if you paint it with the expensive nail varnish your sister got.

[$87.95] / [£104.85]
Why should the US Army get all the fun destroying civilians with drones, while us jerks sit at home eating cereal out of the packet, and our shoes. Well probably because their drones are weaponised and this one isn’t, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use the Air Hogs RC Helix X4 Stunt Copter for no good. Attach the family hamster to this bad boy for a lovely day out, perhaps create yourself an airborne dildo by rummaging in mother’s drawers and combining the two. This toy is the most fun you can have with seven inches, and it performs back flips, barrel roles and even 180 flips with the push of a button…just like Stephen Hawking.

[$39.99] / [£29.99]
The world's smallest radio controlled quadcopter! Ready-to-fly straight from the box, has LED lights to indicate front and back, weighs only 11.5 grams, the built in LiPo battery charges via USB with a charge time of 10 minutes and the transmitter (controller) takes 2 AAA batteries.