[$129.50] / [£195]
Did you know that legally you cannot be classed as an alcoholic if you store your booze in a fancy kerjigger like this? True story. There you were hiding mini vodka bottles up your butt when you could’ve instead put them in this decadent 16th Century Globe Bar. This hollowed out 16th Century nautical globe can store approximately “some booze”, is 22 inches in diameter, and works as a fantastic place to also store your vomit if you need somewhere classy to lose your lunch.

[$74.22]
When taking a game of Beer Pong on the road it can be annoying when the cups slide all over the place, especially if you’ve pitched up at a funeral and accidentally drenched the corpse with precious alcohol. Sucking booze from a dead man’s suit is no way to spend an afternoon, but now you don’t have to worry about this completely fictitious scenario with the Truck Bed Beer Pong Table. If you own a truck, and we’re assuming you do, you can fit this to the rear with ease and be ready to party wherever the hell you are. Beaches, Barbecues, Child Beauty Pageants – all are made better by the presence of a drunken truck driver shouting “Who wants to play beer pong!”

[$35.89] / [£34.99]
Whether you’re in the late stages of Parkinson’s Disease or you’re just a stupid clumsy shit, these Mighty Pint Glasses will prevent you spilling a single drop of precious precious booze ever again. The Mighty Pint Glasses are made out of plastic and contain Smartgrip Technology, which is something we may see installed in sex robots of the future someday. Smartgrip Tech enables these glasses to grip to any flat surface when knocked from the side, but without preventing you from picking them up. Because that would be stupid. And cruel. And stupid.

[$35.99]
Alcohol should always be drunk from the correct vessel, otherwise you look like a dick. Whiskey should be from a simple glass tumbler, champagne from a flute, tequila from a shot glass, and Coors from a tramp’s shoe found under a bridge. If you’re enjoying a Moscow Mule however, you simply must drink them from these delightful Mini Moscow Mule Shot Glasses. They’re made from copper, which helps to keep your drink cold and your appearance hipstery. Only one of those things is useful, but the deliciousness of an ice cold mule more than makes up for anything else.

[$22.95] / [£19.99]
Despite looking like something birthed after a bong fucked a teapot, the Porron Drinks Decanter is actually a rather elegant piece of glassware which is quite popular in the Catalan region of Spain. So there. Made from recycled glass and capable of storing 1litre of wine, Kool-Aid or urine, the point of a Porron is to allow drinkers to gulp straight from the decanter without getting each other’s gross mouth germs all over the rim. And nobody likes getting germs on the rim, do they?

[$19.99]
Hand carved from Baltic birchwood and laser etched to precision, these Don't Fuck Up The Table Coasters actually serve several useful purposes. First of all, they help keep your table free from the scuffs and stains associated with beverage containers. Secondly, they remind you not to fuck up the table via other means, such as with hammers or a gamma-ray gun. And thirdly, they allow you to passively aggressively tell your friends you don't trust them around your home, except without the awkward silence which usually accompanies such a statement. Oh, also Amazon claims they're a great conversation piece too. But if this is seriously the kind of thing you'd consider having a whole conversation about, I'd say you need better friends bub.

[$39.99]
Oak-aged alcohol is often rather expensive, and if you're too cheap to buy it then your only way of achieving that smoky booze aftertaste is to enter a burning building while downing a pint. But fortunately for you smoke aficionados there's now a solution, and it comes in the form of this Oak Bottle Mini Master Infuser. Capable of infusing 355ml of booze with an oaky taste in as little as two hours, this vessel made from 100% American Oak promises to improve bourbon, rum, beer, BBQ sauce and any other liquids you fancy by adding an ultra quick burst of charred oak flavour and aroma. And yes, I suppose you could try it with urine.

[$32.49] / [£24.99]
Worried that you're not eating enough Himalayan salt? Me too. It costs me thousands every year just to trek up those mountain bastards to have a lick of a bit of rock. But thankfully I need do this no longer, because some clever sod has made these Himalayan Salt Shot Glasses. The glasses come arranged in a decorative Acacia wood serving board, and every sip of vodka, whiskey or milk you slurp out comes be infused with a subtle salty flavour. So if you've always wanted your drinks to taste like someone's spooged right into them, this is the product for you!

[$39]
The Rainbow Cloud Floating Bar is the only accessory you need to get off your face on the open water...aside from booze, obviously. With room for several wine bottles, four cup holders and a little space for ice slash meth, there is literally no reason to get out of the pool ever again. You may as well take a dump in there too while you're at it. But, is there a chance this device could lead to an increase in alcohol-fuelled drowning incidents? I truly hope so. Otherwise, what's the point?

[$FREE]
If our grandparents knew that one day we'd 3D print a device to help us drink sugary water while playing 18 hours of video games, they'd have not bothered fighting any wars and probably shot themselves instead. This Nintendo Switch Joy Con Drink Holder is the pinnacle of human laziness, as not only does it allow you to play your Switch and drink at the same time, but you don't even have to get up to buy it. All the files you need to 3D print this bitch are available online. And if you haven't got a 3D printer, just put some concrete in your regular printer. I'm sure it'll work.

[€199]
There's nothing worse than throwing up on a brand new pair of shoes. No, seriously, I spoke to some guy who survived the holocaust and he agreed. Thankfully, Adidas' new Munchen Oktoberfest sneakers have DBPR technology woven within them, which stands for durable puke and beer repellant. So if you're heading to the famous German meat and beer festival this year, all you'll need is a pair of these, some lederhosen and an appointment to have your colon screened for cancer when you return. All that meat ain't good for your bowels you know. Your shoes might be clean, but your insides won't be.

[$10.49] / [£7.99]
Drinking alcohol out in public is often frowned upon by narks and squares alike. However, if the ruddy fuzz spots you scoffing a bag of these Dry Gin Fizz Gummies, they can't say nuffin to you bruv. Infused with real actual proper actual real proper gin, these Dry Gin Gummy sweets are blended with a spaff of lemon and some sugary fizz to make them even more suitable for children. I mean, letting kids eat these is probably illegal, but you've got to get those f***ers to sleep one way or another. It's this or the hammer.