[£169.99]
The Nerf N Strike Elite Terrascout Remote Control Drone Blaster has the longest product name since the Gillette Fusion Hyperslice Macho Genocide 9/11 Truth Bonecruncher 9000 Grizzly Urban Power Cock Donkey Punch Razor 2 - The Conjuring. But it's still a pretty nifty little bit of kit for faffing with on Christmas Day. This Nerf-firing drone also films live video of your vicious foam assaults, making them far more accountable than the actual military. There will be no undocumented war crimes here little Timmy, and with all operations including drone movement, camera shots and dart deployment all handled by a single controller, you'll terrorise babies, grandma and small animals with ease. However, the Nerf N Strike Drone can only be purchased at one place, as it's a Toys R Us exclusive…just like Geoffrey's nudes, the massive giraffe pervert.

[$19.89]
The Hornet claims to be the world's smallest stun gun, and with 6,000,000 volts packed into this baby who are you to argue? Nobody, that's who, because I'll shock your nuts right off if you even look at me wrong. It also comes with a flashlight, you know, so you can see who's trying to molest you before you zap them in the throat. Weighing less than 2 ounces and measuring just half an inch thick, the Hornet is discrete enough to carry with you at all times. So the next time the dog's barking too loudly, the kids are playing up or your bound and gagged partner needs a little love shock, the Hornet will be on hand to fulfil all of your brutal, tasing requirements.

[$79]
Are you paranoid that the Government wants to take away your right to bear razorblades, dollar bills, tic-tacs and cheese strings? Then just purchase one of these Premium Concealed Carry Belts, and they'll never find your precious treasure, no matter how much the Feds pat you down. Items can be stored within the belt's three hidden pouches, and the belt itself is made of strong English harness leather. Also, its buckle is apparently so strong it could easily break a car window. I don't know why that would ever be necessary, but I guess it doesn't hurt to know. Available in various sizes from anorexic through to morbidly obese, this belt can also be used to store bullets, secrets, wasps, love notes, candy bars, toilet paper and rice.

[$119+]
I love wrestling with my family. I especially enjoy it when we do it in food, with my personal preference being piping hot gravy, it makes my dad taste real nice. Equally good to wrestle in is Jello, which you can now buy from Jello Wrestling Supplies. Each package they sell can make 100 gallons of jello, which is enough to create a whole summer of slippery misunderstandings. Coming in orange, red and green, the jello is biodegradable, non-staining and non-toxic. It isn’t supposed to be eaten, as I imagine it tastes of nothing, but if you swallow some you won’t die. Strangely those are the same words I said to my first girlfriend. She’s dead now. Here’s a thought, buy a load of whipped cream and cake to throw into the mix. Trifle wrestling? My god, I’m a genius.

[$44.17] / [£17.40]
A 2 pack of awesome super soaker tidal tubes, the perfect amount for a water fight. Blast from up to 23 feet away, holds 10 ounces of water.

[$17.56] / [£55.80]
Take you pool sports to the next level with these Inflatable Wooden Jousting Logs and matching Jousting sticks! Challenge anyone and everyone to become the ultimate gladiator.