[$28.79] / [£19.99]
The Illumibowl Toilet Light fits inside your toilet using suction cups and is motion activated – which doesn’t mean it only works when you take a dump, however great that would be. It comes with 9 different colour options and to save batteries it only lights up in the dark, which is good, because nobody wants to be the guy who has to change the toilet batteries every week. So why would you want a light-up toilet? Well, perhaps it’s Halloween and you’re pretending to have a haunted crapper. Alternatively you might have kids who piss and shit everywhere and this will help stop that. Or maybe you like to fantasise that you’re leaving a Cleveland steamer on a hot glowing alien in the middle of the night. Who cares frankly, it makes your fucking toilet glow, you know you need it.

[$20.29] / [£14]
The Desktop Cinema Light Box is a battery powered table lamp which comes with 69 acetate letters, numbers and symbols along with 6 blank customisable tiles allowing you to display the title of your favourite movie. It doesn't matter if you like Schindler's List or Backdoor Thundersluts 5, you can write whatever you want on this lovely light-up ornament because it's your house and you make the rules.

[$32.49] / [£24.99]
Ever since I played Super Mario Bros as a kid I've spent at least 80% of my life punching bricks in the hope that coins will one day emerge. My fists are now nothing more than a bloody pulp, but I could've avoided all this tragic mess if I'd simply bought this Question Block Light. Look, it's exactly like the one in the game! How cool and copyright infringey is that? Powered by USB or batteries the block also emits a little ping noise if you press it, but if you kick the fucker out of a window it makes no noise whatsoever. What a jip.

[£12.99]
The worst thing that can happen to you at a music festival is coming back to your tent to find someone has cut a hole in the side and shat in your sleeping bag. It is an undeniably awful experience, but it is also incredibly good for character building. If you'd like to guarantee that this heinous anus act occurs, why not cover your tent in this obnoxious Glow in the Dark Tape? Made from waterproof vinyl, your temporary abode is sure to be noticed from miles away by friends and thieves alike. If you wanted, you could even make a massive day-glo swastika with it...if it's that sort of festival.

[$390]
When choosing a driveway material it is important to consider what kind of aesthetic you want to achieve. If it's understated you're after, then you'll want neutral colours such as grey, beige or slate, since these tones do not draw the eye. If, on the other hand, you want a surface that looks like E.T.'s just spunked his load all over your front garden, then try these Luminescent Driveway Pebbles. Apparently they're eco friendly, but they said that about Lynx Africa and now all the world's dogs are turning inside out, so I don't believe them. They are glow in the dark though, which saves you having to set a big bonfire on your lawn for a bit of mood lighting.

[$99.99]
The 90's were an innocent time. There were no sex offenders, there was no such thing as terrorism, and Hulk Hogan was the President of the United States. We also had cool designs for our party cups too, and now someone's attemped to milk dry the teats of nostalgia by creating a suit in that same iconic design. This Retro Jazz Cup Blazer is the result of said milking, and not only is it 100% polyester, but the neon print also glows in the dark to make you look so 90's that everyone will wonder if you are in fact OJ Simpson.

[$19.99]
Still buying pre-made neon signs like an idiot? What are you, some kind of idiot? This Customisable Neon Sign is where the fun's at. Consisting of three metres of neon cable and one metre of fixing wire, you can write literally anything you want out of this stuff. I mean, Arabic might be tricky. Chinese too. But you could at least spell out some pretty neat swear words. That's something, right?

[$12]
There’s no classy way to advertise this product, so I’m just going to go ahead and say it. If you want to find traces of spunk, spooge, tears, blood, mucus, shit, or any other bodily fluids the Luminol Crime Scene Spray is the tool for you. A perfect valentines gift for your jizzy beloved, Luminol contains highly reactive reagents which can detect spillages even after they’ve been wiped up. I used this spray at your Grandma’s house. The resulting glow left me blind.

[$79.97] / [£60]
I often get so drunk I forget where my feet are, so these Light-up LED shoes are perfect for me. They’re perfect for you too, if you’re the kind of person who wants to look like they’ve stood in radioactive dog shit. Each shoe has seven static colours and five flashy colour modes in case you didn’t think bright purple glowing sneakers were enough. They’re available in men’s and women’s versions, charged via USB, and are the perfect footwear for raves or disco-funerals.

[$49] / [£32.21]
The only way you’d glow brighter than Neon Nightlife’s collection of LED accessories is by rolling around in a Fukushima hot tub. Sunglasses, bike lights, masks, ice cubes, boots and caps are just a few of the illuminated items for sale here. They come with tiny battery packs to keep you glowing throughout raves, night-time park trips, or the funkiest god damn funeral you’ve ever been to.

[$20.39] / [£12.99]
When I look at this plastic, battery powered Banana Night Light I automatically think “Light-up Dildo”. Now that’s out of the way let’s consider what else you could use it for. Carry it with you to the toilet when you take a midnight shit, for yes, it is portable. Use it to find other bananas you’ve stored in your bedroom. Leave it in Walmart to make the late shift staff think it’s a banana ghost. The possibilities are probably not endless, but still. I like it.