[$40]
Have you ever looked at a spoon and thought…I wish I could eat that? No me neither, but I am constantly wondering how I can somehow consume more calories with less effort. Thankfully this Edible Spoon Maker solves both problems! The machine works like a waffle maker, allowing you to slop in any kind of dough you want and form an edible spoon in mere minutes. If only there was some kind of machine that made plates out of gravy, then we’d get to eat all our dinnerware and never need do dishes again. Quit dicking around trying to cure cancer scientists and get on this!

[$15.99]
This Nessie shaped Ladle makes a great gift for people who enjoy soup, dinosaurs, and toughened nylon; because that’s what it is used for, resembles, and is made of. Nessie is of course the legendary inhabitant of Loch Ness in Scotland, a country famous for being a nation of drunks. You may wish to use this implement to scoop your own sick out of the sink after too many cans of Special Brew; just one of the many uses for this enchanting Nessie Ladle.

[$20] / [£8]
If you’re morbidly obese and take too much sugar in your tea, the Sugar Skull Spoon may just be ideal. Not only does it have eye-holes ensuring part of your sugar will fall out before it reaches your gob, the skull design will remind you of your inevitable death should you keep on eating too much. The spoon is made from stainless steel and the website suggests it could suit those with a taste for Absinthe, but as any proper Absinthe drinker knows it was only Victorian ladies who drank it with sugar. An alternative use would be to cook smack in it, and then freak out as the skull frightens the shit out of you on your way up. Of course we do not endorse such a use, we feel the Sugar Skull Spoon should only be used for eating yoghurt and getting all over yourself.

[$35]
Unless you’re a professional jar-lid remover or handshake Jedi, you won’t have very strong wrists. Most people don’t, and this makes scooping out hard ice-cream really really hard. I’ve broken down and cried all the liquid out of my face trying to carve out a single chunk of pudding fresh from the freezer. Now we can all stop crying and eat more ice-cream with the life-saving Midnight Scoop. This precision engineered ergonomically designed tool enables you to push through hard ice-cream with minimal effort due to its specially curved handle. Are you a zombie? It’d probably work on frozen human brains too. Hot forged from solid 6061 Aluminium with industrial strength coatings, the Midnight Scoop is purchasable through Michael Chou’s Kickstarter page. It comes in various colours and quantities depending on how much you pledge, and delivery is expected before Christmas 2014.